SHAWN MARIE ROBINSON....

In all of my life... I've been searching for that special someone.

Someone so special, someone so wonderful...

Who would have guessed that she would have been there all along...

Shawn marie Robinson.  I met miss Shawn Marie Robinson over 8 years ago when my mother started a new job at inner city meats in sarasota.  she used to come over during her lunch break to watch soaps, and occasionally we'd play mario paint (of all things) and just... talk.  The infatuation was there from the beginning... she was everything that I ever wanted without even knowing it!  tall, redhead, great smile, great personality, wonderful character.  I almost felt unworthy of even being in her presence at times.  See, shawn is a singer.  Not just any singer... it's as if god himself blessed her with the gift of voice... and told her to share that gift with the world.  and share she did!  From the first time I heard her voice, it would echo in my mind and heart throughout the day... even at night at times.
So shawn Marie and I grew to be friends, despite our age difference.  We had an understanding... basic beliefs, philosophies, etc. ... and it was always so easy for us to communicate... about both trivial things and things that mattered... we developed a friendship outside of the fact that she worked with my mother.

My feelings were always stronger, however... deep inside i wanted to be with her so badly, that sometimes it tore me up inside to watch her... aside from the gift of voice, shawn marie is also a talented actor, so much so that she sometimes wore her theatre masks all the time.  This saddened me, because I knew inside she was a better person, and at the time I felt that what she really needed was someone to bring out the beautiful person that I knew lived inside her.

I remember seeing shawn marie on stage... like a starstruck commoner i'd watch her in complete and utter amazement... here was this person, my buddy, my pal, on stage doing what she loved... in all this glamour and beauty... it was like watching a fantasy come to life before me.  And at the same time, I was too immature to absolutely understand what was going on inside me, or how to express to shawn marie how I felt about her.  maybe it was because I didn't have the words...

maybe it was because I didn't know...

shawn marie and I did share one evening together... at a christmas party for comcast cable in sarasota.  The night was magical.  I felt like the luckiest man on earth... with the crown jewel at my side.  Feeling the envy from my co-workers, we danced... we talked... we were shawn marie and torrey michael... we were unstoppable.  For one night i felt equal to her.  I felt deserving.

that was the first night we kissed...

the time came to move to orlando.  i had to tell her exactly how i felt about her.  and so I wrote her a letter, professing everything... everything I thought I was feeling, and wondering.   To this day, I don't remember what I wrote in that letter, but I know it frightened me a great deal, because it was the first real risk i took with my emotions.  i called shawn marie later on, and i found out that she wasn't ready to accept me.  it hurt, but I almost knew that would be the response.

so I left...

life, they say, is not without a sense of irony.  Out of nowhere, while searching for people from my past one day at work, I thought, "I wonder if miss shawn marie would be here somewhere?"  so I decided to look her up.  sure enough, there she was, listed.  So I sent her a letter, generic and plain, expecting she would have found the love of her life, and she would be content and happy.  TO my surprise... she was still without a love, not to mention she had been thinking about me a month before.  Irony...

so we began to talk, like we did before... only this time, something was different.  This time, we began to notice little things... how our lives have paralleled, how we've both been searching... for that ultimate perfection... how we've both recently found ourselves, and were looking for someone to share that feeling with.  our lives... our thoughts... our feelings... in perfect harmony.  Irony...

The feelings returned.  This time, not so much infatuation of the singer/actress/entertainer... but shawn marie the person... the human... the one I thought I knew then, but could understand and relate to know.  She... felt the same about me.

Her first trip to orlando to see me was january 26th, 2001.  On that day... I fell in love.

for the final time in my life.

Shawn Marie is everything I thought she would be, and then some.  She makes me feel like a better person... she humbles me, but makes me feel like i'm the best thing in the world at the same time.  She makes me laugh, cry, think, wonder, and dream... all without trying.  turns out... she's the 'female me.'

Shawn Marie and I are together now, and by the grace of God, we'll be together forever.  The future looks wonderful and exciting and bright, and i feel now more than ever that i can accomplish anything... because I have the love of my life behind me.  my shawn marie... the one I loved so long ago for so many different reasons, comes back to me... and this time I won't let her go again.

Shawn Marie Robinson.  how irony can be a beautiful thing.

I love you endlessly shawn marie, just as I did all those years ago.

--Torrey Michael Spears