Small Politics

Scene One: Four ants are in a room. Two are standing behind a podium; they are Mayor Pod and his assistant Anthro. These gentlemen are being questioned by two reporters, Chris and Alex.

Chris: Mayor Pod, now that you’ve been elected as the new mayor of Mount She-too-ka-ka (disagreement amongst ants over the pronunciation of the city) MOUNT SHI-SHI! (pause of silence) What do you intend to do about the giant dog no-nos that have been falling into Mount She-too (ant disagreement) MOUNT SHI-SHI! (pause of silence)

Anthro: (taps Mayor) My best friend was killed in the war by dog no-nos.

Mayor: (looking oddly at his assistant) Thank you, Anthro! (turns to Chris) Personally, (smiles, said jokingly) I rather enjoy the dog no-nos. (all is quiet) Or! I’ll just solve that problem once I’ve been elected!

Anthro: (taps Mayor) You’ve been elected, sir.

Mayor: President! (awkward silence) Next question, please.

Alex: Mayor Pod, the mass murders (using fingers to from quotes) AKA the "Lawnmower Massacres" have been causing hundreds of deaths weekly for the past few months; what, if any, police actions are you taking against this situation?

Anthro: (taps Mayor) I like cats. You put out a box, throw in some sand, and they KNOW where to do THEIR business!

Mayor: Thank you, Anthro for that... exquisite comment on pooh-pooh. Anyway, I think that answers your question, Alex.

Chris: (look of disgust) What!? You expressed no ideas of opposition for this serious epidemic facing Mount She-too (ant disagreement) MOUNT SHI-SHI! (pause of silence)

Anthro: (taps Mayor) But dogs! Oh no! Dogs lift a leg here, give messy presents there... (shivers) Ew! And they slobber!

Mayor: Thank you, Anthro! (turns to reporters) In all honesty, I intended to do (jokingly) Nothing! (pause of silence)

Anthro: That didn’t go over well, sir.

Mayor: - but attack that problem once I’ve been elected!

Anthro: You’ve been elected, sir.

Mayor: President! (laughs uncomfortably)

Alex: (winks at Chris) Mayor Pod-

Mayor: (to Anthro) It’s always bad when they start with "Mayor Pod!"

Alex: Some individuals believe that the lack of serious answers from you is due to the fact that you’re trying to hide something or are just ignorant.

Mayor: (looks grim) Being that I have an assistant of intelligence, I’ll let him take that question. (steps down for Anthro to take podium)

Anthro: (steps up to podium) Alex, (points to Mayor) let me assure you that this man is hiding nothing. But he is ignorant. In fact, a complete moron. That’s why I, with my military service in war would be much better-

Mayor: (interrupts hurriedly) Thank you, ANTHRO! (takes podium) The reason I cannot give you the answers you want is because it would ruin our undercover operations, right Anthro?

Anthro: That’s what I’ve been saying! We’ve got to go undercover and take out (slaps hands) the dogs!

Mayor: Pardon?

Anthro: The dogs! They’ve gotta go!

(The mass public accepts this solution as a course of action and ceases to question the ethics and logic behind it; being that they assume something they don not understand must work.)


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