Jake's Shorts
Something Unexpected
By: Jake Watters
There was always some coldness in his soul; not some dark, hidden evil that he kept secret, but a coldness created from years of being alone. He wasn't always by himself, in fact, he had friends. Good friends. But something was always missing in his life. His parents loved him, he did well in school, he played his heart out in every soccer game, but his thoughts, his dreams, his love were always kept to himself. He had no one to share them with.
Jason was a giving person. The kind of friend that people completely trusted. The friend that was turned to for advice, advice that always seemed right. Honor, trust, and loyalty were simply a part of his nature. It took effort for him to hate, he'd rather apologize for some undone wrong and start anew. But Jason was a unique individual, different from those people that walked passed a frowning face or a teary eye. Maybe because he was so alone with himself he always made special efforts to bring a crying face to smile, and bring an angry heart to peace. He had such overwhelming problems of his own that he needed to help other people with theirs.
He wasn't a perfectly good child. He'd been paddled in school, mostly for talking rather than causing anyone harm. He'd done a few things he considered "bad." But he mostly made people happy, made them smile. Perhaps that's why people think him a happy person; not because they know him to actually be happy, but because they find themselves happy around him.
Jason never tried to tell people about his problems. Especially his parents. What could they do? His problems were his own. If he told his parents it would only make them feel guilty about something they had no control over. And why tell his friends? Wasn't it better to keep them happy and smiling than to burden them with his troubles?
But Jason never truly realized that other people's troubles never burdened him. He always felt better knowing they had problems just as he did. He even felt good about being able to make them feel better. Perhaps it was a case where he was too close to his own problem to see it.
But who could love him? He was so willing to love, so willing to share. Most people couldn't see beyond his humor. And if he tried to love someone, they were frightened, not understanding how he could appear to be so truly genuine when they themselves were not.
Jason stood outside his car holding the door open in the dark morning as the cold rain came plummeting down on his hood and backpack. It was too early for the sun to be out, and the black clouds formed an impenetrable barrier that hide the stars, a dreary day. He looked around at the headlights as other students parked, the water flowing towards the drain, and watched his warm breath swirl into fog and sink as if the wet cold beat it down. A weary sigh escaped him as he slammed his car door shut. He liked his car. It was an eight year-old azure-blue station wagon he lovingly named Julie.
His eyes focused on a couple kissing in the ran, standing by their car. Through the opaque lines of rain Jason saw them holding hands. A boy of his age was with a slightly shorter, pretty girl. They parted each others' lips, smiled, and, still holding hands, ran splashing through the watery pools and into the safety of the school entrance.
Shaking his head, Jason sighed, "God, what I wouldn't give…"
He pulled his wet hand out of his pocket, locked the car, and headed to the doors. He kept his head down and watched his feet as his shoes splashed with each step. The water soaked through his shoes, making his feet wet and cold. His raincoat barely reached passed his waist, and his legs were being soaked by the rain. But Jason kept his steady pace. He had nothing to hurry towards.
Drumbeats from the rain consumed his attention for a second until he looked up. The school entrance was like a castle. Huge columns rose twenty or thirty feet that held up a metal canopy. And before that lay a small courtyard with bushes and trees planted in raised gardens. Through the massively tall windows shown the dry, white light that revealed the tiled floors. He splashed forward and noticed how pretty the bright wooden trophy cases and brick-glass wall of the office looked. Apparently Jason took those things for granted, or was it that the horrible day made them look so beautiful?
Those thoughts left him as he came under the canopy, hearing the low rumble the rain made as it crashed onto the metallic roof. Several students rushed by him, trying to escape the rain. He stood still for a moment and watched them fly through the glass doors that lead to the tile floor. They stopped for a second and shook themselves dry. Then they opened the secondary wood doors that lead into the rest of the school, one long carpeted aisle with several wings cutting away from it left and right. Sounds flurried to his ears, conversations, laughter, jumbles of words he couldn't recognize. For an instant, a smile crossed his face. Human socialization, it was such a pleasant thing. But then the doors came thundering closed, or so it seemed, as those sounds of life met an abrupt death.
Jason slowly pushed his hood down, "Another day." and walked up to the glass doors. He placed a hand on one and pulled it open. A gush of warm air greeted him. He wiped his feet on the green carpet beneath him, crossed the tile and walked into his school day.
He felt out of place with the first step he took into the socially active hall of the school. Conversation was a precious thing for him. Sometimes he could go an entire day at school and not say a thing to another student. He'd given up after putting forth his greatest effort during the first two weeks of school.
From his first day, he did everything he could do to make a few friends. Jason's method was humor. Make them laugh, and they would like him. That's just what he did for those two weeks, entertaining any person that would listen to him. There were a few people that were open enough to him to laugh and joke back, but most just congregated with their clicks and turned their backs to outsiders. So Jason had become accustom to being alone, not happy with his isolation, but this quickly became his norm.
His hands stayed in his pockets, searching ever harder for that warmth he so longed for, as he walked by the offices to his left and right. Students sat on benches just farther down the hall. He passed them with a secret eye noticing how they laughed and smiled. But of course Jason himself was never seen by the crowd. Conversation bustled through the long hallway as hundreds of students conversed. No one bothered him as he passed the first two wings extending to his left and right. No one touched him as he walked by a window.
It was almost impossible to see the outside world. The other side was so dark that it was more like a mirror. Jason was that window. If someone just passed by it, they'd see a reflection of everything around them. Normality. But if they stared a little closer, they'd see it was just a hollow illusion and that beyond that fake surface was a dark side where it was always rainy and dreary.
Jason darted his eyes in front of him again knowing that he'd attract some kind of attention if he looked outside too long. He was almost in a hurry now, walking as fast as he could to the library without walking "too fast." More people, swarms of people lined the walls and benches, and another wing to pass before he could come to the "Mall Area." It was a raised circular-like area with the main hall running by it. The library set to it's right side, the cafeteria, off the connecting circle's right and forward. Turning onto a ramp, Jason almost sighed. He was almost there.
A surge of students rampaged through a set of double glass doors at the far wall, running from their school buses. A chill hurriedly swept through the Mall Area and added a physical chill to Jason's mood. With an unpleasant shiver, Jason flung himself through the library doors, dropped his book-bag, and rubbed his arms for warmth. The temperature was always warmer than it should be, compared to the rest of the school. However, Jason found the warmth, as close to uncomfortable hot as it was, to be satisfying. For a moment, just for that brief moment, his eternal chill was warmed somewhat.
The library was brightly lit and filled to half capacity. Through the doors that he had just beyond stood a pair of oddly, squared poles that were the security devices to prevent theft and a swinging pole that allowed entrance. He bent over and picked up his dark-green book-bag with water spots thoroughly spread over it. Moving towards a shelved bin where backpacks were kept, Jason sat his down at the base of it and unzipped the main compartment. He fumbled around his fat Pre-calculus book (why he had to study something before he had to study it was unfathomable), shifted his English book to the side and pulled out a paperbound book. He smiled to himself. Reading was an escape he soon discovered after he moved here. When no one around you would bother to look your way, you'd be happy to look at the writings of someone you'd never meet, or someone dead. But the real escape, the true world through which he lost himself was in the mind of another person.
Reading another person's thoughts, another person's creation was the only way into his or her mind. It was pure thought. Lying in the words and pages of each book were thoughts not his own. Any thought that didn't remind him of how lonely he was, was better than thinking for himself.
He suddenly realized that he'd been staring at his book to long and discovered some boy looking oddly at him. Jason quickly lost his smile and zipped his backpack. His face flushed with heat as he became nervous. He had to unzip his jacket quickly and take it off before he started to sweat.
Surveying the library quickly, Jason searched for an open seat just far enough way from everyone that he wouldn't actually be interrupted by them, but not so far away that someone might know he was lonely. If they knew he was lonely, then they'd know his vulnerability and prey on it. There was an angular desk extending in a half circle just a few yards beyond the doors, behind which, sat the librarians and their assistants. There were tables behind him, and behind those, a wall made of those weird, square, glass bricks. Next to those tables started the actually bookshelf rows. To the left of those shelves were five or six other long tables. Around the tables were dictionaries and such. And to his left were a few computers and cubby-holes. Why'd they'd bother to build them, he didn't know. Why would anyone want to sit with their head in such a confined area? It was almost frightening.
Jason carried his book and coat to one of the long tables and found a seat just far enough away from the other people that their conversations wouldn't distract him. He placed his book on the table and then gently wrapped his coat around his chair. Quickly, he was seated, opened to his bookmark, and began to read. He lost himself almost immediately.
Once Jason looked up again, several minutes had past by and the library was busting with life and activity. The librarians seemed to be chasing students every which way and not having any effect. He found the vivaciousness of his new surroundings uncomfortable, until he spotted one of the librarians pursuing a student.
She was small, had short hair, and merrily round. Glasses sat on her nose and her eyes looked like they were frustrated to have been behind their prisons of glass. She caught one of the students walking through the exit door and the alarm went off, an annoying beep that sounded three or four times.
"And just what are you doing?" asked the small librarian self-righteously.
The boy was much taller and much more masculine that she was, but he seemed to cringe a little as she approached him, "Just trying to get to class on time." The boy broke off to smile and pointed to a group of people laughing in the background. "Some of my friends must have put a book in my bag so the alarm would go off when I left."
She just sat there, never looking back to the laughing friends, nor moving, "Ah, and do you really think that I should believe that your friends possess enough intelligence to conspire against you?"
It took the large boy a while to respond to that question. He wasn't quite sure how she meant it or how he should respond. One always had to be careful about the school staff. One slip up and you'd spend the next week in after school detention.
"Uh, I don't know. Look, I'm gonna be late for class if I don't leave now so…" the boy took off his backpack and rummaged through it until he found the book and held it out, "Can I just hand this to you and go?" His eyebrows rose high on his forehead while he waited for an answer.
His friends stopped laughing, hopping they hadn't gotten him into any serious trouble.
The librarian let out a poot of laughter, a snort and answered, "Child, do you think that we librarians are just ruthless sticklers for rules and love to torment the students?" Then she smiled.
The kid let out a role of "tahas" in laughter, rose, swung his book-bag around and pointed to her.
Suddenly the pot-shaped lady stopped laughing all together and her weight settled about her. Her brow furrowed and the kid's enthusiasm withered away, "We are," she said ominously.
It wasn't until the student held a look of "Oh Crap!" on his face that she let loosed genuine laughter and took the book gently, "Of course you can go dear."
This time the student didn't bother to smile, laugh, or in any other way respond to her other than turning and running through the doors.
The librarian stood a moment longer and said to herself, "Hmm, hmm, that's they way to keep them in line. Make them think you're crazy, of course for someone that always talks to her self, Lilith, it's pretty easy for you."
She then set off with her tubby little waddle to find her next unsuspecting victim.
Jason smiled for a moment, not really paying attention to what was going on around him. He looked through one of the large windows, it was still storming. The pouring water held him still for a long time. He couldn't turn away from it. Other noises fizzled away into nothing in the background. He was consumed by the trickle of rain, and the clatter of the winds. His mind ran free for that small instant. No worries, no sorrows, no joys. Just peace.
An obnoxious, trilling clatter jarred into Jason's hears. He jumped out of his seat, then relaxed. It was the bell. Students slowly started packing up their bags and headed towards the exits. The librarians seemed to be physically relieved.
"Too much silence," Jason whispered to himself. He set his book down and surveyed the rushing students. He shook his head, "Wish I could be that excited about something."
He then put his coat on, grabbed his book-bag and head for class.
Through the library gates chaos roamed like frenzied ants. Students managed to squeeze a way through a sea of bodies.
"Man, it'd sure be easy to goose a girl in all this." Jason smiled to himself.
He headed straight for his seat. Somewhere in the middle. Not in the front. The back was too obvious. He pulled out his subject book, knowing he'd never open it. The bell sounded, and he immediately dived into his paperback. The teacher and students faded away into background noise.
He sat there motionless for a long time. Like a statue. It was freaky. He plowed through fifty pages or more of his paperback. The bell sounded again, and Jason sighed, not wanting to have to stop reading.
So the other periods of his day went. Drowning on, page after page in his little book. No one asking him questions. No one noticing him. Perfect, but sad and lonely.
He slumped forward watching his feet. Beautiful girls conversing passed him. He almost stopped cold. God it hurt so much to be that close to happiness. To see it right before his face and not able to do anything other than walk to his car, Julie. He smiled.
At least Julie never hurt him.
He burst through the same glass doors into a world of light. Jason threw a hand up in defense of his eyes and an exclamation escaped him, "Ah, damn. Turned into a gorgeous day."
A new smiled came across his face. One with purpose, "Well, maybe today won't end so bad after all." He bounded of for his car happily. He even managed to say "Hello" to the people he went by.
"I guess it's off to my job interview." He hoped that a job would keep him too busy to worry about himself. If he could just make it through high school. Then he'd find a way to be happy.
With the book-bag in the back, his coat off, the AC raging, and the radio screaming. Jason sang out the window with a familiar tune. Someone started honking, and he joined enthusiastically. He sang for the entire thirty minutes it took him to get to his interview at a huge pet store.
"Hi, I'm here for the interview?"
"What's your name?"
"Jason Willis at three o'clock."
"Okay, follow me."
He followed the lady to a break room. She pulled out a chair, "Sit here, fill out these forms, and take this test. Once you're done. Bring them to me at the front. Okay?"
He smiled, "Sure thing."
He plowed through the tax forms. He laughed through the stupid test, and handed the woman the papers happily. "So when will I know?"
"Oh, two to three days."
"Thanks, I'll see you next week then." Jason said.
She smiled shyly, "Maybe."
He got back in Julie and fumbled with the radio until he came to a song he knew. Sammy Hagar's "Little White Lies."
"Little white lies' been around for years!" Jason gurgled along with the guitars.
"Little white lies ringing in yo ears!" Man! He felt great.
He sang with Sammy, then with U2, then a little Mettalica number called "Hero of the Day."
"Wooo! DAMN! I haven't felt this good in a while! Hell, I might even have to ask Sheryl out. Have to get her number from Sam."
Jason turned off the I-75 with a motivational purpose. He batted his steering wheel, quite off beat, but he didn't care. He kept singing the Sammy Hagar lyrics no matter what the song was. It was great!
He couldn't focus. His eyes felt funny. He held up his hands and stared at them trying to force his eyes to see. His hands were shaking, he could see that even through his blurred vision. Something felt weird. He lifted his head… up? What… this is weird… Some blurry man in a blue suit was nervously shouting… sounded like he was in a panic… something slammed.
"You drive any faster! Turn on the sirens!"
Jason's head felt numb, "Wherg- am ah?"
Another blurry figure leaned over him, "Do you know where you are?"
Of course he knew where he was, "Whag habbin? Wha cang ah see? Wha dohg ah soung funn- AH!"
Jesus Christ! That hurt! Some kind of searing pain tore through his jaw. He tried to scream again but the pain cut him off. His knee stung like hell, too.
"You've been in a wreck. You broke your jaw. And you're banged up pretty bad."
"Whag- AH!" His entire body spasmed with the pain. Shit the pain!
"Do you know where you are?"
He thought a moment. How was he supposed to tell them that his mother was in another state. She'd be worried when she found out. What state was she in? Damn it. He knew this. How should he tell them dad was here? He couldn't make since of it.
Carefully choosing his words so his jaw wouldn't spasm in pain, Jason gurgled through the fluid filling his mouth, "Eithag en Geowrgah… ogh Flowdigha…?"
"Jesus! He's out of it!"
No no! Jason knew what he was saying. Mom's in Florida, dad's in Georgia. He lurched up a little, hoping to explain this, but a cold hand pressed his head down.
"Stay down. You've also got a concussion."
Giving up, Jason laid back down. He closed his eyes and let his body tell him about the cuts and bangs. But he couldn't really tell where he hurt, just that he did. He knew if he moved his jaw it would sear pain through him. His knees felt like they had a cold acid eating through his flesh.
Some time later, it couldn't have been more than five minutes or so, motion stopped and they fumbled Jason out of the ambulance. Doctors and nurses rushed to his side. There were four of them. Jason could make out that one of the nurses was blonde and attractive. He wished his vision wasn't so blurry. He held his focus on her pretty, smeared face while the guy in the white coat gibbered and shone a light in his eyes.
"Jason, we're going to cut you're clothes off. They're covered in blood, and we need to see if you're hurt anywhere else. Okay?"
He was going to be naked in front of the pretty lady, but he hurt and didn't care. He gurgled something in reply that sounded like a yes. His arms and hands trembled at his side. Covered in blood they said? Wow, that much? The pretty lady quickly cut his pants and shirt off straight up the middle. Two blurry figures from the sides gently took of his clothes. The pain hit him, tightening the muscles around his spine. He moaned and someone apologized.
As soon as his clothes were gone the doctors and the pretty lady disappeared. He was cold. An unearthly cold. The shivering mad his broken jaw chatter. Each time he clutched at the metal bed underneath him. He moaned, trying to get the pretty lady to come back. She finally did…
"Ahgm…. kaghld…."
"You're cold?" Her voice was pretty too.
"Yesgh…"
"I'm going to get you some blankets." She left for a few seconds and then placed heavy wool blankets over him. Jason still shivered and gurgled for more blankets. After they placed the forth one on him he felt warm. Lukewarm, it was less uncomfortable.
There was a burly-like figure of a man trying to push through the doctors and nurses that pushed towards Jason. Something told him it was his dad. Jason dropped his head to his side, not moving his jaw. He stared at the ceiling.
He didn't know how long he was there, but they probably didn't move him until his father had filled out all the forms. Two male orderlies started moving the bed. Jason gurgle, "Whergh we goingagh?"
"We're taking you to have some x-rays and catscans."
He let his deathly silence be his acceptance. Something felt heavy in his stomach. He tried to get the orderlies to stop, but they didn't understand him. He rolled to his side, his jawing jerking him in pain once and tried to push the orderly back. His arm fell short. He was too weak. Jason puked up nasty blood. He heaved another time. And then a third.
"Shit! Ah-damn it. it's on my shoes," one of the men complained.
God, Jason felt so much relief. He almost laughed at the man having to change his shoes.
He got cold again, and his eyes closed. When he opened them, he was moving slowly under something cold and metallic. The catscan. He knew it should have taken 45 minutes for the whole thing. And even though he kept his eyes open, it was only like 5 or 10.
… in a dark room… something touching his hand… Mom.
She had been crying. He blinked and closed his eyes again. Now his vision was blurred, but it was an even blurring, not like before.
He asked, gurgling something almost un-understandable.
"You had a contact in one eye."
Jason understood. He explored himself by letting his body tell him what hurt. He gitterly move one hand in front of him. It hit something smooth and cold. A tube. he followed it up and up. It ran into his nose. Tears started to form in his eyes. Then he noticed the burning acid in his knee again. His legs shivered and he felt cold. Then he noticed another burning pain. Down… but above his knee… in his penis.
He faded in and out of that hospital room for most of the first night. He'd wake up and see his red blood draining from the tube in his nose, sucking the blood out of his stomach. Occasionally the nurses had to push it back down when it came out. They told Jason to swallow and take a deep breath. It didn't help. It felt like chalk raking down his throat.
He panted and tried to cough for several minutes afterwards. An IV ran out of one arm. He felt warm liquid being pulled from his penis. It hurt. The tube felt twisted and burning inside him. The urine flowed to a pouch attached to the side of the bed.
He sat in the hospital there, for three days waiting for an operating room. Three long days with three long nights. Two minutes were an hour, but 5 hours were 10 minutes. The blood drained; his jaw throbbed. His penis ached from the pushing of the tube against its walls. His legs shivered constantly, and he couldn't lift his arms. His throat remained dry, the tube from his nose feeling like scotch as it ran down his esophagus and into his stomach.
If he'd died he would have been happier. But his mother and father and brother wanted him to hold on. They were stupid. He kept smelling something acrid in the air… kept asking if something could be done about it. His mother didn't have the heart to tell him it was the blood drying in his hair.
He sat there like rot. And he thought, "This is funny, God. All I've prayed for the past ten years of my life is for her, and this happens." he wished he could have laughed… "This hurts… I've been here too long… a week or two at least… can't I sleep now?"
"… awake… you're not supposed to sleep. You have a concussion… you might not wake up again…" someone told him.
He didn't care… He wouldn't have to worry about wondering what Sheryl would say once he asked her. Now way he'd ask her now. Not with a bashed face and tubes up his nose and. He gurgled something out his open nostril. His penis burned.
Jason didn't understand life. He just didn't get it.
On the third day, just before the doctor's took him under, but after the x-rays, he decided life wasn't for him. Who cared anyway? He'd miss his brother…
[THE END]