News
6/13/00
New Material
From now on all new material will be on the opening page for one week. Then it will move to its section.6/07/00
Boom!The University of Central Florida recieved a grant for a Post Blast Bomb Investigation (PBBI) course whose content is to be partially posted online. As part of Course Development and Web Services (the CEO's additional job when not working on HipposOnCrack.com) they bore witness to several explosions and the following pseudo investigations. On day one the CEO drove out with several members of Course Development to a shooting range in Geneva, FL. Upon their arrival the PBBI explosive experts had already setup the first several bombs for detonation. The group took "before" pictures and was then immediately hussled behind a wall for security. The first two blasts had little effect on the group. However, the next few were impacting as sandbags and dirt flew a hundred feet into the air, even with the bomb having been buried six inches in the ground. The rest of that day's events included Ranger Master Bill's extraordinary interview, the Wall Of Fire, a reflection blast that blew tire fragments two-hundred feet into the air (and on chuck came hurrly at the spectators while another piece landed on a truck 100 metes away), and of course a series of TNT, dynomite, and nitroglycerine explosions. All in all the CEO tells us, "I've had a pretty good time. I've got a sunburn on the back of my neck that would frighten a zebra, but other than that I'm great." When asked his favorite event, President Watters stated, "The 'All You Can Eat' buffet at this little restuarant in downtown... the car bomb was great and all, but I must haven eaten for an hour and a half straight." 5/17/00
New Crack!JC and I have written two new skits, "On A Grand Scale" and " Misfortunes of a Peacock." You'll love 'em. 5/9/00
Jake's ShortsI've started a new section to my page, Shorts. It's for all the short stories I'll be writing and have written. They'll all have some humor content to them, but that doesn't necessarily make the entire story funny. Check them out and let me know what you think. 4/21/00
MetallicaCEO, Jake Watters, Will be attending a Metallica Concert on July 7th, in Atlanta. He'll interview the band thereeafter. 4/14/00
Hippos On Crack Two-Week CelebrationThe evening opened with Enormeet (made famous for his role in "The Inverse Adventures of Ancher")delivering a one-liner and smile. The jolly hippo came dressed in a stunning black tuxedo and was accompied by his gorgeous cohostest, Rachel Ray Veals (also from "The Inverse Adventures of Ancher"). Guests were treated to a stand-up routine by Robin Williams and James Earl Jones (they two had never performed together before). Such was the levity they brought to the crowd paramedics were called in when John Cuisac's continous laughter transformed into hyperventalation and eventually into a heart attack. However, doctors say John is doing well, and there seem to be no longterm side effects from his attack. A Hippo Fashon Show followed, conducted by Carmen Electra and Arnold Schwartziniger. The two had an immediate chemistry that added an almost sexual zeal to the hippos in dress. CEO JaKe Watters came out after after the five course meal to present the year's Best Ever Crack Hippo award (the most anticpated moment of the night.) The nomanees were, Enormeet for "The Inverse Adventures of Ancher", and Hippo Campus for his role in "The African Killer: Deadly Hippo." The award went to Hippo Campus. On a side interview after the celebrations, CEO Jake Watters said, "I definately would have loved to give the award to Enormeet. He's a close and personal friend of mine and I think he did an absolte suberp job in with Inverse Adventures, but Hippo Campus played a harder role. I suspect Enormeet will be on the list for next year." 4/04/00
Crack Hippo Java4/03/00
Make your own crack hippo! Use a little Goo Applet to take pictures of hippos and mess with their faces. Pretty close to how actualy crack hippos would look.
CEO to Pay $346The CEO's "pimp-mobile" was rendered non-functional on 3/21/00. This left the CEO to find other means of transportation, and forth coming decisions concerning what to do with his pimp-mobile. However, before the CEO could take any action the evil conspirers at Fiverront contacted the vile Aeropor-tets Towing. Together, the two companies made for a compelling team. The CEO, after attempting to rally support from local public officials, the Better Business Beauro, and the local Department of Motor Vehicle, was unsuccessfull. This left him with only one viable option to regaining his broken "wheels." Pay the unjustified fine and take it up the tail pipe. He did. Though this news is troubling, we are happy to announce that the CEO is making a speedy recovering, and is expected to be back in the offices soon. All rectual damage is expected to heal completely in the next year. 3/31/00
Crack Hippos On FilmDo you have pictures of Hippos On Crack? Or otherwise interesting hippo pictures? Send them in! You could be the first ever winner of the "Crack Hippos Caught on Film" award. Winners selected Monthly (Until visits reach higher numbers) and posted on this page.
3/30/00
Hippos On Crack Opens Hippos On Crack was created as a dynamic combination of several factors; my good friend Jonathan Cone (Good Lord know he's seen his share of Hippos On Crack), The Inverse Adventures of Ancher, and finally Jake's Crack Week (Actually, it was over the Wednesday of one week to Tuesday of the the next, but you get the idea). Eventually, as it must have been destine to become, Hippos On Crack is here. I welcome you all!