by Maggie Gunther

Filling out Christmas cards…seeing family…working…eating Christmas food…these are some of the many things I fear with the coming of Christmas.

Yes, I said fear.

Don't get me wrong. I love Christmas more than any other holiday. It all started with my mother's fanatical obsession for Christmas. Like a good child, I eagerly internalized all of her fanaticism.

Unfortunately, living up to her standards of Christmas perfection is beyond impossible, personally causing me much Christmas-related stress. After closer investigation, I found I am not the only one who shares

Such an innocent looking penguin...

these woes.

Family Values

The holiday season is perhaps the only time you are truly forced to spend "quality time" with your family. No excuse is valid. Everyone knows you have the time.They just won't buy the "The mall is open this year on Christmas" excuse. You can run, but you can't hide, from Aunt Edna's cheek-pinching antics.

Angie Lewis, 23, said when visiting her mother's family in West Virginia, she gets stressed easily. "They are all very loud and they all try to talk at the same time," she said.

Deciphering the hardest calculus problem pales in comparison to the complexities of the following scenario: My 37-year-old sister's Christmas tree topper is a Minnie Mouse angel. My 79-year-old father has several problems with this. He thinks it's sacrilegious. He thinks it's a disgusting ode to commercialism. My sister and her two young children think it is cute. I could care less. I'm in the corner eating an icing-laden, tree-shaped cookie, or five, which brings me to my next Christmas stress factor: the food.

Chestnuts Roasting

The only place most sugarplums seem to dance is into my stomach-along with innumerable quarts of eggnog, turkey, stuffing, gravy and ham.

To make matters worse, many traditional Italian specialties seem to get made by my aforementioned mother at Christmastime. Out comes the Mama Mia Cookbook and the mass production of "Gucci-nippers," as our family calls them, ensues.

Basically, "Gucci-nippers" are small fried pieces of dough coated in honey and powdered sugar. These treats have been genetically altered to bypass the eater's stomach and are immediately and directly added to any of the eater's pre-existing cellulite.

The Card's in the Mail

A few weeks ago, I found the perfect Christmas cards. They have a cute Florida theme and will be sure to delight all 8,000 people I'll be sending them to.

Once again, don't get me wrong...I love the joy of getting and giving Christmas cards.I just hate the hand cramps, realization that my handwriting is still terrible and disgusting taste of envelope glue (they try to make it mint-flavored, but it is just disgusting).

Office Space

The unfortunate reality of Christmas vacation for many college students is the fact that we must work.

While working gives you time away from your family and is in that respect a plus, you are forced to spend quality time with your extended work family, who can be much worse than a real family in certain respects.

Many college students are also forced to work low-paying retail jobs and be at the mercy of angry mobs of last-minute shoppers who can dish out far worse punishment than any family member can.

John Sullivan, a 21-year-old University of Florida student, said, "I've worked every Christmas break since I was 16." His worst experience happened when collecting tickets at a Boynton Beach, Fla., movie theater.

"The projectionist never showed up to work, so there was no one who knew how to start the movies, and all of the people kept coming out and complaining to me. It took the management two hours to find someone who knew how to work the projectors. And, what's worse, about half of the customers were old, cranky people."

Jingle Hell

Even before the corpse (no pun intended) of Halloween is even cold, it starts.

The music starts. While I have some great childhood memories of playing the Chipmunks Christmas Album and other vinyl masterpieces, Christmas music now just further incites the dread of knowing that the holiday is coming, and I am still not prepared for it.

Like an audio to-do list, every time I hear Deck the halls I remember those 8,000 cards, waiting at home to be sent away. The mere mention of Jingle Bells strikes fear into my heart. And please don't bring me any more figgy pudding, I'm carrying all I can around on my hips from last year.

Gift-worthy?

Perhaps the scariest part of Christmas involves gift dillemmas. Whom do I buy gifts for? Is this person gift-worthy? Who might think I am gift-worthy, that I must buy a gift for just in case they do? How much to spend? What are the guidelines? How much is too much? How little is too little?

Amy Garrett, 21, is a student at Huntingdon College in Alabama. She said she hates everything about shopping for Christmas gifts. "I hate spending money, I hate the time it takes. I mean, I have to have the perfect gift for someone. It has to speak to me. I start in mid-November and don't get done until right before Christmas because I have to find the perfect gift for everyone."

People of the world, Unite!

How can we work together to keep Christmas from bringing us down?

Simple. Ignore it until the last possible minute. If you go through life unstressed in the months of November and December, and spend one or two days doing everything needed for Christmas, you will be a much happier person.

So, when the signs of Christmas inevitably show up this year, just ignore them. It is all just a hoax perpetrated by major greeting card companies to drive you crazy.

Questions, comments? Click here to email Maggie about the article.