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Mothers
in
College
How do mothers at the University of Central Florida manage to be full-time students and full-time parents?
Ivette Vignau, a staff member at UCF’s Creative School for Children, said every mother has her own way of balancing her life.
Vignau, a mother of two, said: “In the morning you are running and you look like you woke up running. At the end of the day you are dragging but you are still running. And then there are some mothers with two and three-year-olds who come into the school and they just look great; so calm.”
Mornings start early for many mothers in college and usually end when the mother is too tired to do anything but sleep.
Alexi Howk, a mother of a 4-year-old and a senior majoring in journalism said:
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| Despite a long day at UCF, Alexi Howk always makes time to spend with her daughter. (photo courtesy of Alexi Howk) |
“I live over an hour away, so I have to wake up at 5:30 a.m. to make my 8:30 a.m. class. I pick up my daughter about 5 p.m. and we come home, eat dinner and have playtime. After she gets a bath and I put her to bed, I am often up until 2 or 3 a.m. trying to get homework done. It's difficult to get these things done during the day because being a mom is a 24-hour job and there is no quitting time. You have to learn how to manage your time wisely."
“When it comes to free time for yourself, you have to make it,” Madeleine O’Callahan, a 24- year-old senior majoring in education, said. O’Callahan said, “Sometimes I make an effort to put my daughter to bed early so my husband and I can spend time together; maybe to just watch a movie together.”
RaeAnn Sain, a senior majoring in elementary education and the mother of a 5-year-old agrees that if you want free time, you have to make it. Sain said:
| "You can't always find someone to watch your child at the spur of the moment." |
Unfortunately, mothers who attend college do not always have friends and family nearby to help them take care of their children if they want a night to themselves. Liliana Bailey, a graduate student in psychology, does not live near family or close friends and cannot afford a baby-sitter.
Bailey said: “My ex-husband only takes the kids for a few hours a week. One Friday I asked my husband to keep the kids for a while so I could go out with some friends. That night I felt like a kid for the first time in a long time! I went out and partied and it was great!”
For mothers attending college, time for studying and attending class becomes one of the most difficult activities to accomplish while raising their children.
| "You shouldn't neglect your child to get perfect grades." |
According to O’Callahan, it is important for a mother to give her child attention over schoolwork. O'Callahan said: "You shouldn't neglect your child to get perfect grades. If my daughter needs me to tuck her in, then I am going to be there for her."
Vignau agrees that your children should come first over schoolwork. Vignau said: “I see kids in class who agonize over a grade. It’s okay to make a B or a C. I’m just happy if my kids are healthy.”
Mothers in college often hope they will have professors who will allow them to miss a day or two of class if something happens to her child, according to Howk. Howk said: “It always helps when you have an understanding professor. Sometimes you have to miss one class or maybe several because your child is ill. An ill child is something beyond your control.”
Unfortunately, some professors do not make excuses for any student. According to Jen Murphy, a mother of a three-year-old: “Some professors are tired of being taken advantage of. My child was in the hospital on a day I had a test and my professor said ‘tough luck’. I missed the test because my child is important."
| "I wish teachers gave more respect to mothers in college." |
“I wish teachers gave more respect to mothers in college,” said Bailey. “You do your best to be there but sometimes there are things that just happen. You can’t always give 100 percent to school. Professors think someone is less interested in the class if the student does not participate outside the classroom. It’s not that we don’t want to; it’s that we can’t.”
Marcia Diebler, educational supervisor and assistant director at the Creative School said she does not know how mothers in college can make it through a week of tests. She said: “I don’t know how students who are mothers make it through final exams. They have to study for tests, work on group projects and still manage to wake up every morning at 5 and get their children ready for school.”
According to Diebler, many mothers she has spoken with at the Creative School have the support of others during their college years. She said, “Most moms that I speak with have the support of their parents, siblings, and close friends.”
Howk said that she would not be able to excel in school without the help of her husband. She said: “I could not do it without him. On weekends, when I have a lot of homework to do, he’ll take our daughter out to give me time to get things done. When he comes home from work he’ll clean up the kitchen, help with bath time, cook dinner if I don’t have time and do anything he can to make things easier on me."
| "Some mothers are working two jobs, and some can't always make it to school for an exam." |
UCF does provide services to help make the lives of mothers easier. According to Janice Bute, an advisor for the division of Student Development and Enrollment, the Nontraditional student services can help certain students with events that are out of their control. She said: “Some mothers are working two jobs, and some can’t always make it to school for an exam. Our staff can speak to the student’s professor and ask that they postpone it to a time when the mother can take it. We are also working on providing a scholarship for non-traditional students and an evening care center for those with children.”
While mothers who attend college experience problems and responsibilities that differ those Nontraditional by students without children, they often remain more motivated to excel than before they became parents.
Howk said: “When you’ve taken time off from school to raise a family, you become more motivated and are more apt to make better grades. Raising a family helps you to become more responsible and mature, which gives you a better appreciation for college.”
Murphy agrees. She said: “When you have children it makes you want to work harder in the classroom. You have an incentive to provide for them, but you’d better learn a lot because you are taking time away from your children.”