Horoscopes

Work is not the place you need to be. Take some time off to relieve some stress that's been building up. Better yet, quit! You deserve something better for yourself anyhow. Your boss never did like you to begin with. Maybe it's time you tried to become that ventriloquist like you always dreamed of.

Concentrate on what's been bothering you most lately. Pay your bills, balance your checkbook, get your hair cut (yes, it really DOES look that bad). Maybe it's time to start that diet that you keep procrastinating on.

Your friends are talking about you behind your back, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. You might be in for a surprise. You might be in for another surprise if you check the bottom of your shoe...Yep, your neighbor's dog did it again, right in the middle of your walkway.

Be careful how much money you spend this month as you'll be coming across some unexpected expenses soon. Remember that faucet you left running while you were on vacation? Well, you'll remember it soon enough. Also, beware of your artistic talents. Avoid reptiles if they don't look friendly.

You will run into a great fortune soon. So what if it's in the inside of a cookie? Treat yourself to something yummy, but watch those calories! You have to face your mother soon and you know how critical she is.

Your family needs you right now more than ever. More than likely it's because the grass needs to be mowed and the house could use a fresh coat of paint, but it's still nice to know that you're needed, isn't it?

Be extremely careful while driving in the next few days. Random goats and wild hogs seem to have a liking for you, and always seem to be getting in your way. You may also want to change your windshield wiper blades.

Your better half has seemed distant lately. Maybe it's time you planned a special date. Just remember to stay away from the places you've both been banned from. You don't want to have to face the cops again, not this soon after that last incident.

You've been partying quite a bit lately and it's probably time you settled down a little. When you've woken up in your best friend's cousin's treehouse three times in the last week with a beer bottle glued to your shoe, you know you've got a problem.

Things aren't really as bad as they may seem. So what if your car got stolen with your dog in it and a check that you had just received for more money than you knew what to do with right after you found out your company was doing layoffs. At least you still have your friends, right?

Ever heard the expression "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you?" Well, maybe you should have thought of that before you decided to throw half of your roomate's wardrobe over the balcony of your third story apartment the other day. Some people aren't so forgiving.



	Things take a turn for the better this week. Your significant other will finally forgive you for that petting zoo incident last month. Also, check your bank account. You might be pleased at somebody else's mistake.
	Work is not the place you need to be. Take some time off to relieve some stress that's been building up. Better yet, quit! You deserve something better for yourself anyhow. Your boss never did like you to begin with. Maybe it's time you tried to become that ventriloquist like you always dreamed of.
	Concentrate on what's been bothering you most lately. Pay your bills, balance your checkbook, get your hair cut (yes, it really DOES look that bad). Maybe it's time to start that diet that you keep procrastinating on.
	Your friends are talking about you behind your back, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. You might be in for a surprise. You might be in for another surprise if you check the bottom of your shoe...Yep, your neighbor's dog did it again, right in the middle of your walkway.
	Be careful how much money you spend this month as you'll be coming across some unexpected expenses soon. Remember that faucet you left running while you were on vacation? Well, you'll remember it soon enough. Also, beware of your artistic talents. Avoid reptiles if they don't look friendly.
	You will run into a great fortune soon. So what if it's in the inside of a cookie? Treat yourself to something yummy, but watch those calories! You have to face your mother soon and you know how critical she is.
	Your family needs you right now more than ever. More than likely it's because the grass needs to be mowed and the house could use a fresh coat of paint, but it's still nice to know that you're needed, isn't it?
	Be extremely careful while driving in the next few days. Random goats and wild hogs seem to have a liking for you, and always seem to be getting in your way. You may also want to change your windshield wiper blades.
	Your better half has seemed distant lately. Maybe it's time you planned a special date. Just remember to stay away from the places you've both been banned from. You don't want to have to face the cops again, not this soon after that last incident.
	You've been partying quite a bit lately and it's probably time you settled down a little. When you've woken up in your best friend's cousin's treehouse three times in the last week with a beer bottle glued to your shoe, you know you've got a problem.
	Things aren't really as bad as they may seem. So what if your car got stolen with your dog in it and a check that you had just received for more money than you knew what to do with right after you found out your company was doing layoffs. At least you still have your friends, right?
	Ever heard the expression "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you?" Well, maybe you should have thought of that before you decided to throw half of your roomate's wardrobe over the balcony of your third story apartment the other day. Some people aren't so forgiving.