note: As much as I hate clowns myself, please beware
that there are still clown photos and/or likenesses
on this page. Read on at your own risk!
If you're not
afraid of clowns, you probably know someone who is. And if you don't
- you do now - me!
First of all,
there are two kinds of clowns that I'm not afraid of - rodeo clowns
and ass clowns. Rodeo clowns are bull - literally. They put themselves
in front of a raging bull, risking injury or death. Because of that,
they don't frighten me. And ass clowns, who aren't clowns in the
conventional way, are just stupid people. Don't get me wrong. Stupid
people do scare me. But they scare me in a different sense. They
don't scare me in the "Oh my God, that clown's going to kill
me!" sense, if that makes any sense. I hope that explanation
But then there
are clowns like Bozo and Ronald McDonald.
They are the
"Oh my God, that clown's going to kill me!" clowns. They're
I would like
to share my phobia with you, expressing some of my opinions, experiences
and even some informational and (believe it or not) fun clown links.
First of all,
notice that I called my fear of clowns a phobia. It's called coulrophobia
or clownophobia. This is a real phobia that affects approximately
10 percent to 20 percent of the population - myself included.
who doesn't know any better...
Go back a few
years with me
movie, Poltergeist? (Can I get an Amen?)
an evil clown doll in the movie that came to life and did evil clown
I was about 10 years old, I had a clown doll that looked just like
the one in Poltergeist.
After I saw
the movie (not a good idea for a 10-year-old, I know), my mom threw
my evil clown doll in the garbage.
name is Angie Lewis, I'm 23 years old and I'm scared of clowns.
I know! I think I really do need to attend ISOCA (I'm Scared Of
Clowns Anonymous) meetings. (Note: This is not a real organization.
I made it up.)
happy and fun. They make balloon animals, spray seltzer down their
pants and hundreds of them fit into one tiny car. Children love
So what's wrong
scary bastards! That's what's wrong with me! (Disclaimer: If you
make your living as a clown, or even do it on the side for extra
money, please don't take the "scary bastards" comment
personally. I happen to have a problem with clowns. So the thought
of you willingly dressing up as one, makes me want to punch you
in your big, red nose and ask you, "Why?")
wasn't the turning point for me, however. I don't know what was.
I think I
slowly started feeling uncomfortable around them at the circus.
Like at any moment they could come running into the crowd and do
evil clown things to me! I can't remember the last time I went to
the circus. Maybe it's because I've blocked out the horrifying experience.
And I've always
hated those Jack-in-the-Boxes. I've never been able to spin the
handle and not jump when the little freak pops out!
movie, It, when I was in high school didn't help my problem
either. I also don't think attending Halloween Horror Nights at
Universal Studios the past two years, where Jack the Clown roams
the park, has helped. Scary bastard. And that Midway of the Bizarre,
where clowns roam free
A few years
ago, I was walking through the Midway, scared out of my poo, when
a clown came up to me and offered me his arm to escort me to the
end. I reluctantly took his arm and proceeded down the way, passing
all of the games. When we reached the end, the clown reached out
his arms for a hug. I, again, reluctantly swallowed my fear (which
was not as bad then) and gave him a hug. However, to my horror,
the clown made a perverted moaning sound while hugging me! That
experienced has haunted me ever since. When I attend Halloween Horror
Nights, I try to avoid the Midway (which is hard to do) or I scale
the side of the walkway, where none of those bastards can scare
or moan at me. Ewh!
me wrong. I love to be scared. I love scary movies. I just hate
clowns are just as scary as evil-looking clowns. I have
In fact, I
was walking around Old Town in Kissimmee one night with my
parents when I saw a clown in the middle of the street, making balloon
animals for kids. My dad, knowing my feelings about clowns, directed
me to the other side of the street and placed himself between the
clown and me. Whew! That was a close one!
I was browsing the movies in Blockbuster with a friend. She thought
it would be funny to pick up a video sleeve with an evil clown on
it and show it to me. That was my first serious clown breakdown.
I had a panic attack! I couldn't breathe! My heart started palpitating!
It was one of the scariest things I've ever experienced.
friend has told me what a hoot it would be to show up outside my
house one night with a huge clown poster and knock on my bedroom
window! (I have compassionate friends, no?)
I was in a
movie theater a few months ago with my best friend, who shares my
clown hatred, watching Scary Movie 2, when it spoofed the
clown doll in Poltergeist. We both covered our eyes and curled
up into the fetal position in our seats!
My best friend
and I are not the only ones that feel this strongly about the big
shoe-wearing scary bastards.
Linnea Brown says, "I've never seen the movie, It, because
I know it's about a clown. And I hate clowns. They've always creeped
a journalism major, says, "My fear of clowns started when I
saw the movie, It, when it originally aired. I was a little
kid. It played over two nights, and after the first night, the clown
was still alive. It was a very scary night. I couldn't take a shower
and I avoided gutters. I felt a little better the next night after
they killed him. But I'm still scared of clowns."
We are not
alone. There are also websites dedicated to clown haters everywhere.
Here are a
few of them:
clowns I mentioned at the beginning of my story, there are also
other "famous" clowns.
Killer Klowns from Outer Space? Have you heard of the band,
Insane Clown Posse? (I hadn't until I came across them doing my
research. And you can bet, I won't become a fan any time soon!)
What about Krusty
the Clown from The Simpsons and Homey D. Clown from
In Living Color?
It's a nightmare
of scary bastards! They're everywhere! There are categories of crap
dedicated to clowns! Art, museums, movies, music, game shows, dolls,
costumes, collectible figurines
Where does it end?!
clown is thinking about doing evil clown things!
most frightening clown fact is the story of John
Wayne Gacy. He was a serial killer who dressed up as Pogo or
Patches the Clown to entertain children at parties and in children's
hospitals. He killed more than 30 young men and buried their bodies
under the floorboards of his house.
your scary bastards. Stories like that make it hard to conquer my
evil. Have I made my point?
don't take it upon yourself to go out and beat the poo out of a
clown. After all, clowns are just regular people wearing makeup,
a red nose and big shoes.
not hiding under your bed, waiting to grab you by the ankles and
pull you under! Stalking you, as you walk to your car, alone, at
night! Pulling scary clown things out of their pants and using them
to kill you! Hanging out at children's birthday
parties and schools, so they
can eat the kids!